Healing Flame

I finally took her coats out of the hall closet today. Four years they'd been hanging there, I just kept walking past them every morning like they were still waiting for her. My da…

Had a work call at 6pm tonight because of the time difference and my daughter kept poking her head in asking if I was done yet so she could show me the fort she built out of couch …

Sat in my car in the parking garage for forty minutes after my shift today, not crying, just sitting. My grandmother's been gone three years now and today would've been her birthda…

The guy two houses down, Frank, fixed my mailbox without me asking. Just saw it leaning after the storm and came over with his own tools while I was at work. Didn't even leave a no…

opened twitter for ten seconds this morning, closed it, made coffee, opened it again, closed it again. did this like four times before 9am. everything out there feels like it's on …

Got my own apartment eight months after the divorce finalized and I finally unpacked the last box this week, found my old voter registration card from the house we used to share. H…

I keep telling people I'm fine at work because the alternative is explaining something I don't fully understand myself. It's not that the job is bad, it's not even that hard most d…

Deleted the folder of old emails from my former business partner today, four years of back and forth, some of it ugly near the end. Told myself I'd need them someday, for what I ha…

I had the news on in the background while I was making meatloaf and I had to turn it off halfway through because my chest got tight. Everything feels so loud lately, even when nobo…

I've been asking God for months to either change my job or change my heart about it, and neither one has happened. I sit in the pew on Sunday and sing about trusting the plan and t…

My sister called out of nowhere on a Tuesday, no reason, just to talk. We talked for almost an hour about nothing important, her kids, a leak in her basement, what she's been readi…

I got the acceptance email today for the nursing program and I've applied three times now, so I just sat at the kitchen table and stared at my phone for a solid minute before it ac…

I'm 41 and I live alone and some nights the silence is so loud I put on a podcast just to hear another human voice. Not even listening. Just the sound of someone talking. I never t…

I went to a memorial service for my friend's mom. I didn't know her. But the rabbi said something that stuck with me. He said grief is just love with nowhere to go. And I've been c…

I prayed last night for the first time in probably four years. Felt weird and also felt exactly the same as it always did, which is strange because I thought I'd feel more like a s…

They want me back in the office. Four days a week. I've been remote for four years. I built a whole life around being home. I walk my dog at lunch. I eat at my own table. And now I…

Sat in the pickup line for twenty minutes today just staring at the school doors, not even on my phone, just sitting there because it was the only twenty minutes all day nobody nee…

My dad called tonight and within five minutes we were back at it, same argument we've had for three years now. I don't even remember how it starts anymore, just that my voice gets …

I've been praying for Dave next door every night for almost three weeks now. He's got the cancer back, the kind they don't sugarcoat anymore, and his wife parks that same handicap …

Got through an entire shift today without going to cry in my car once, which honestly feels like it belongs on a resume at this point. My manager actually said thank you for closin…

my brother sent a text today going off about politics, the usual stuff, and I just left him on read. used to argue back point for point, now I don't have it in me after a double sh…

haven't told anyone this but I stopped believing in a lot of what I was raised on and I still go to church with my mom every sunday like nothing changed. she texts me the sermon no…

my professor said my essay was the best one she's read all semester and i just sat there not knowing what to do with that. haven't had anyone say something like that about anything…

My wife used to be the one who kept the peace at our table. Didn't matter what was going on in the world, she'd just say 'enough now' and somehow everyone listened and moved on to …

Started the new job three months ago and I still feel like I'm performing competence instead of actually having it. Everyone else seems to know the shortcuts, the inside jokes, who…

My husband made dinner tonight without being asked, just because he could tell I'd had one of those days. Nothing fancy, just pasta, but he even remembered I don't like the sauce t…

He said 'you too' when I said I love you last night and I have been turning it over in my head ever since, like maybe he meant to say it back and it just came out wrong, or maybe h…

Ate lunch in my car again today, scrolling job listings I have no intention of applying to. It's become a whole routine, windows cracked, radio off, just me and a sad desk salad. I…

Turned off the radio in the break room again because two people were about to go at it over something neither of them will remember caring about in a month. I used to have opinions…

I prayed in my car before my shift tonight, just sitting there, asking for some kind of relief because I don't know how many more double shifts I can take without something in me b…

coworker asked if I was good. said yeah, tired, that's it. didn't tell him I've been awake since yesterday afternoon thinking about my mom's test results.

forgot to reply to an email for eleven days. ELEVEN. found it today buried under three other tabs I opened and never closed, don't even remember what they were for. client was poli…

The woman two doors down, Carol, left a container of soup on my step when she heard I'd been sick. Didn't ring the bell, just left it with a note that said feel better. I've lived …

My kid drew a picture of our family and I'm in it. Like, I'm actually in it, standing next to her, holding her hand. I don't know why that got me. She draws these all the time. But…

I've been at this job for six years and I think I've been quietly miserable for at least four of them. I stay because the insurance is good and because I'm scared and because at th…

Finally went through the bin of my daughter's baby clothes tonight, the ones I kept 'just in case' even though we decided two kids was enough a long time ago. Held up this tiny yel…

keep meaning to delete his number. haven't. don't even call him anymore, just like knowing it's still there i guess. saw his name pop up on an old voicemail list tonight and didn't…

ok so I finally left the group chat with my college friends tonight. been meaning to do it for like eight months, it just sat there unread, 47 messages about someone's baby shower …

There's a tree behind my apartment that I look at every morning while I drink my coffee. I've been doing this for years. And sometimes — not always, but sometimes — looking at that…

I took a sick day today even though I'm not sick. just couldn't do it. couldn't open the laptop and look at the emails and be that person again. I feel guilty about it. I'm sitting…

muted my uncle on facebook like four months ago now. he kept posting stuff that made my stomach hurt before bed, every single day. havent told my mom i did it. she still forwards m…

I keep giving my brother money and I don't know how to stop. It started as a one-time thing when his car got repossessed, then it was rent, then it was just bailing him out so our …

Cleaned out the garage this weekend and found my dad's old toolbox, the metal one with his initials scratched into the lid. He left when I was nine and I've had that box for over t…

Went to the early service today, the one nobody goes to, because it's the anniversary of my brother's accident. Lit a candle like I do every year. Sat there waiting to feel somethi…

I was at a work conference when my husband sent me a video of our daughter taking her first steps. I watched it in a bathroom stall at the airport, phone propped against the toilet…

My daughter lost her first tooth at dinner tonight, bit into a dinner roll of all things, and she screamed like she'd been shot before realizing what happened. Then she just stared…

forgot about the 9am standup again, third time this month, my manager did the thing where she doesn't say anything but CCs my name in a very pointed email tone. meanwhile I've had …

A kid at the drive thru today told his mom I had 'nice vibes' and she laughed and I laughed and for about four seconds my whole day didn't feel like garbage. Small win. I'll take i…

Started the new job two months after the divorce was final, figured a fresh start all around made sense. Turns out being the new guy at forty-four while living alone in an apartmen…

cant stop thinking about just not going in tomorrow. not quitting, just... not showing up. i know i wont actually do it. im just so tired of the headset giving me a headache every …

finally threw out the box tonight. concert ticket stubs, a hoodie that didn't even smell like him anymore, notes from when we were like 19. been sitting in my closet for two years.…

My boss quit. The one who made my life hell for two years. She's gone. And I thought I'd feel free. I don't. I feel weirdly lost. She took up so much space in my head that now ther…

I went to that church for six years. Knew almost everyone there. Helped with the food pantry, went to the small groups, brought people meals when they were sick. And then slowly it…

I've been quietly fixing Dana's spreadsheets for two years. Nobody asked me to, I just started doing it after the first time her numbers went out wrong to a client and I panicked a…

My wife and I used to fight about politics every single election, real fights, doors slamming, her sleeping on the couch some nights. I hated it then. Now the debates come on and I…

I keep dreaming about a version of my life I decided not to live. I had a chance to move abroad at 28. I was so close. Had the job offer, had the apartment lined up, had everything…

I got a raise. A real one. First one in three years. I should be happy. I felt nothing. I told my wife and she was excited and I watched her be excited and I couldn't get there wit…

my boss said great work today in front of everyone and i just nodded like a normal person but inside i was thinking please stop talking to me. i used to like this job. now i just r…

ok not even that deep but. my roommate keeps asking if im ok and i keep saying yeah im fine and im not even lying on purpose it just comes out. like my brain goes straight to fine …

He texted me goodnight and I stared at it for ten minutes trying to figure out if it felt different from usual. It didn't say anything wrong. That's the problem, nothing is ever te…

I was sitting in the parking lot before my shift today, the usual spot, and I just started praying out loud in the car like a crazy person. Not for anything specific. I think I jus…

Signed the lease on my own apartment today. Just a one bedroom, nothing fancy, the carpet is kind of ugly honestly. But I stood in the empty living room after the landlord left and…

Had my annual review today. Was told I'm a valued member of the team, same thing they said last year right before the department got cut by a third. I nodded, said thank you, went …

Sat in my car for twenty minutes after my shift again today, not doing anything, just sitting there with the engine off. I think I've finally accepted I'm going to quit this job, I…

I stopped texting my old roommate back about six months ago. She still sends me things sometimes, a meme, a photo of her dog, and I read them and think I should respond and then I …

can't sleep again. keep thinking about the thing my dad said at thanksgiving last year and how i never said anything back. probably doesn't even remember it. i do.

I finally donated my wife's reading glasses this week. They'd been sitting on her nightstand for two years, right where she left them. I kept thinking I'd need them for something, …

I answered three work emails tonight while the rice burned on the stove. My son asked me twice if dinner was almost ready and I just kept saying one more minute. By the time I actu…

I looked through his phone last night while he was in the shower. I don't even know what I was looking for. There was nothing bad there, just texts to his brother about football an…

My mom was dying for six weeks and I prayed every single night that she'd get better. She didn't. I haven't told my pastor this but part of me is angry at God for letting me hope t…

I left the moms group chat today. Not because of anything huge, just the usual political back and forth that happens every few weeks and I always end up typing something and deleti…

My husband lost his job in February. He's been looking. He's trying. But it's June now and the savings are almost gone and last night he sat at the kitchen table at 1am just starin…

I stopped talking to my college friend group. Not all at once. Just slowly. We used to agree on everything and now we don't agree on anything and I got tired of every conversation …

I gave my cousin the crib today. She's due in March and asked if we still had ours and I said yes before I even thought about it, then spent an hour in the garage looking at it bef…

I don't want to be dramatic about this but I've been really struggling lately and yesterday my neighbor left a bag of oranges outside my door with a note that just said "from the t…

I went to the library today. I haven't been in years. I just walked in and smelled the books and sat there for an hour reading a magazine about nothing. It was the calmest I've fel…

Guy on third shift won't shut up about politics during our break, every single night, same talking points. I just nod and eat my sandwich. Don't care enough to fight about it at 3a…

My brother in law brought up some conspiracy thing at my daughter's birthday party, started talking real loud about it in front of everyone, and I just smiled and cut the cake. Use…

ok so my uncle posted something today and I typed out this whole response, like three paragraphs, and I had my thumb over send for probably a full minute. then I deleted the whole …

My son asked me why his teacher got so upset talking about the news during class today, and I had to explain that grown-ups get scared about things too, even the ones in charge of …

A guy I used to work with messaged me out of nowhere asking if we could grab coffee sometime, said he's been thinking about old times. We were never close, honestly, I barely remem…

Finally cleared out my husband's workshop this week. He's been gone three years and the tools just sat there, his coffee mug still on the shelf with dust in it. My neighbor across …

I snapped at my daughter tonight over spilled juice. Not even a big spill, just grape juice on the counter, and I heard my own mother's voice come out of my mouth, sharp and tired.…

zoned out in the middle of a meeting today, like full brain static, and when they called on me I just said 'can you repeat the question' and my manager gave me this look. went to t…

My son asked me at dinner why grown-ups on TV are always yelling at each other. I didn't really have a good answer for him, just told him sometimes people disagree and get loud abo…

My pastor asked me to read scripture at service this Sunday and I said yes before I really thought it through. Now I keep rereading the passage and wondering if I even believe it t…

Bought a couch today. Just a regular couch, nothing special, but it's the first piece of furniture I've picked out on my own since the divorce finalized. Stood in the store for alm…

Said grace tonight before dinner like we always do and my youngest added her own line at the end, thanked God for 'the dog and also cheese.' Made me laugh so hard I almost lost it …

I stopped praying for a while this year. Not dramatically, no big falling out, I just quietly stopped. Then last week I was driving home from my sister's and a song came on that we…

The guy two doors down, Mitchell, has had the same recycling bin out for three weeks now and never brings it in. His porch light's been on during the day too. I keep thinking I sho…

He texted me 'just checking you got home okay' last night and I read it probably six times before I went to bed. I always assume he's annoyed with me, always waiting for the other …

Someone in the all-hands today said we're a family here. I've worked here nine years and my family has never once made me fill out a timesheet. Went back to my desk and ate a sad d…

I had a panic attack in a Target yesterday. Just standing in the toothpaste aisle and suddenly couldn't breathe. Had to sit down on the floor next to the shopping cart like a crazy…

My therapist told me something that rearranged my brain: "you don't have to fix everything today. you just have to do one thing that future you will thank present you for." That's …

My father in law brought up politics again at Sunday dinner and I just quietly got up and started clearing plates before anyone could pull me into it. My husband gave me a look lik…

I've been doing this job seventeen years and tonight I sat in the break room after everyone left and just stared at the wall. I used to pray before every shift, actually ask God to…

I prayed over my daughter's bed last night after she finally fell asleep, the kind of prayer where you're not even using real words anymore, just kind of begging. She's seven and s…

A guy on my team, younger than me, maybe late twenties, asked me today how I knew it was time to stop chasing a promotion and just be fine with where I am. I gave him some answer a…

I haven't been to the dentist in four years. Not because I'm scared of the dentist. Because I'm scared of the small talk. The how are you, what do you do, any plans for the weekend…

My dad and I used to talk every Sunday. Now we text on holidays. Politics did that. Not in one big fight — just years of comments, articles he'd send, things I'd say back. A slow e…